What are some signs My relationship might be failing?
Are you feeling like your relationship might be on the rocks? Keep on reading to learn about 7 signs that your relationship might be failing. And scroll all the way down to learn 3 ways you can help save your relationship!
You find yourself having trust issues.
Trust is a foundational piece to any strong secure relationship. And even more so for a romantic relationship. You have to have trust in your partnership. Trust is what ensures that you feel safe whether it is discussing an issue with your partner or believing that you are a priority in your partner's life. If you find yourself on edge often or question intentions, your relationship might be in trouble.
There is a lack of commitment.
Commitment is super important and it does not look the same for every partnership. A lack of commitment can spell trouble for a relationship. Commitment is what keeps both traditional and non traditional relationships going strong. It is important that you accept that a level of commitment is needed and that commitment can be achieved through time, consistency, and effort. Commitment requires that you both have conversations about what is expected from one another and what you need to feel like you are in a safe and secure relationship.
You don’t “like” your partner.
That saying “I don’t have to like you to love you” is probably furthest from the truth. In reality it should be I don’t like your actions but I like and love you. When we decide to spend a significant amount of our time with someone, it is important to genuinely enjoy the other person's company. In a secure relationship you will find yourself liking your partner and accepting many things about your partner because that is them and you like them for them.
You find yourself venting often about about your partner.
A good test is to visualize the following: you're at dinner with the friends or hanging out with the fam, and you start to talk about your partner. Now was it good stuff or bad stuff? If you find yourself really getting into what has been bothering you lately more often than not, this might be a sign that your relationship is failing. A secure relationship has a good level of sharing what has been going well in the relationship and what you admire about your partner.
You are not satisfied with your sex life.
A healthy sex life is crucial to many partnerships. Many times a relationship is failing when the couple no longer is intimate with one another and possibly don’t even want to be intimate anymore. Intimacy looks different to everyone and being able to talk about what you want and need in the bedroom will make for a deeper connection. It might also be important to address any betrayals and work on rebuilding trust, intimacy is difficult to achieve when you are still hurting from past experiences. If you are struggling with not feeling sexual fulfilled, it might be a sign that your relationship is failing.
You find yourself arguing all the time.
Constant arguing and bickering can lead to feeling disrespected and unheard. Arguments can be healthy and even beneficial, if done correctly. Also it might be something worth considering if you find yourself often arguing about the same thing. A good argument is one where you are respecting the needs and wants of not only yourself but also the needs and wants of others.
You find yourself in a mood after an argument for days on end.
Should you find yourself in an argument with your partner, pay attention to what happens post argument. Were things addressed and do you feel understood, even if they do not agree with you? Or do you find yourself or them upset for hours or days in a mood. Recovery post argument can help tell if the relationship is healthy.
3 things you can do to save your relationship:
Improve your friendship
Hands down my favorite thing to work on in therapy is to help couples have a stronger relationship with one another. It is so important that the couple “never stop dating” because we are constantly evolving. Think about it, you are not the same person that you were a year ago, let alone five years ago, and neither are they. Stay curious about your partner to keep a strong friendship. Here is a great article on “love maps” something to help build that connection with your partner. An all time favorite and effective thing in couples therapy.
Set time aside for one another to talk and hangout.
It is so so so important that you make time for your partner. If you made a decision to couple up, make sure you put in the effort each and every single day. Secure relationships take work. A beautiful garden does not maintain itself. My go to recommendation is to have a 15 minute check in daily with your partner and an hour long date once a week. Do something where you are actively talking with one another or trying something new, like dance lessons! You don’t have to spend money or even get a sitter. Going down to the park together and watching the kids play while you chat with your partner over a cup of coffee can do wonders to strengthen your relationship with one another.
Seek support from others.
Did you know that one of the best predictors if a relationship will last is if they received premarital counseling. So many people come into couples therapy when it is nearly too late. Many times the problems that they have have been going on for years and they have begun to resent their partner. Don’t worry if you didn’t go to pre-marital counseling, there’s still hope! Coming to therapy can help save your relationship. A trusted. professional (like myself) can help you rebuild your friendship, learn how to communicate, and work on crating that life together that you deserve. Do not feel like you have to just “deal’” with a relationship or feel like the only choice is to walk away (for some, this is). Thankfully more and more people are seeking couples therapy, even if they aren’t on the verge of divorce. And even so, uncoupling is also something becoming more common, where you separate from your partner in therapy to help build better communication for post divorce life for the benefit of kids and yourself. Support can also come from other couples you admire and other resources in your community. So please seek out support, because going though relationship issues is something, you shouldn't have to go through alone.