Is ending a friendship like a breakup?
If you have ever had friendship drama, you are not alone! I talk about friendships every single day as a therapist. People always ask me why does ending a friendship hurt so much. The overly simplified reason? Because relationships are hard and you cared. It is something that definitely impacts our mood and our own thoughts about how we fit in with others and the world around us. Especially in a world that keeps getting more lonely. There actually is some truth to loneliness that kills. Research shows being lonely can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes per day, click here to read more!
Yes, friendship breakups are a thing and don’t invalidate yourself for feeling a sense of loss following the ending of a friendship. Ending a relationship can be difficult, whether it is family, romantic, or platonic. In particular, I am really loving how people have been talking more and more about the hurt that comes from ending a friendship.
Friendships can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Not 100% where I heard this from, and if you know, let me know!
Let’s dive into some reasons that friendships can come to an end.
5 Reasons a Friendship Ends
You find yourself not enjoying this person's company
You have moved away and no longer have anything in common
You have other priorities and cannot manage a huge list of friends
The way they live life no longer aligns with your own values
A hurtful action occurred and a repair is not wanted or possible
Reason one: You find yourself not enjoying this person’s company.
Maybe it is that annoyed feeling you get when you see there name pop up on your phone or that dreaded get together that feels like an obligation. There could be many reasons for not enjoying someone's time, and one of the most common reasons is you’ve just outgrown someone. Honor that that person served you and cherish what it was and allow yourself to make space for future friends.
Reason two: You have moved away and no longer have anything in common.
This is a big one for many when they move away to college or out of state for a job opportunity. Moving away is a big life transition. You are getting outside of your comfort zone and surrounding yourself with people from different walks of life. Oftentimes people will go through a transformation, becoming a different version of themselves. Not a bad thing or good thing! But this growth can make it difficult to connect with those from your hometown. It is possible though to stay close with hometown friends, but again don’t let obligation keep you from connecting with people who may no longer gel with the new you.
Reason three: You have other priorities and cannot manage a huge list of friends.
Life will take us through the seasons. We might start a family or start a business, and now we find ourselves being more strategic with the limited hours that we have in the day. This is good, because now you can challenge yourself to really set time aside for the things that matter the most for you!
Reason four: The way they live life no longer aligns with your own values:
Values is what drives towards or away from people. They guide where we want to spend our time. Perhaps you just don’t have similar values and can’t think of ways to have common ground anymore. And that is okay. Don’t force the relationship.
Reason five: A hurtful action occurred and a repair is not wanted or possible.
More often than not friendships don’t end in a dramatic way like you see on tv or read about in drama books. More often than not it is more subtle. But sometimes something does happen, and you are left reevaluating whether you want to repair this or move on with out this person, and vise versa. Perhaps you messed up and despite a sorry, the friendship has just run its course. Remember that these things happen and I hope there is a lesson here that you learned.
I hope something you took away from this post is that friendships are hard and sometimes messy. And that friendships can best be seen as fluid. They change, grow, and sometimes come to an end. Saying no to some people will give you the space to say yes to others.
Just like with a romantic relationship break, treat yourself with compassion. Seek out support from trusted people and even consider getting professional support.