Online Therapy for Boundaries in San Diego & Phoenix (Online in CA &AZ)
Do you have trouble saying no to the following:
Another work project you don’t have time for? Family BBQs and get-togethers every weekend? Friends wanting to go out for drinks every Friday night?
When we say yes to everything, we end up saying no to other things. Do you ever feel like you have no time to rest or catch up on your priorities? Boundaries can help!
Setting boundaries is hard. Setting boundaries with family and friends can feel near impossible at times. As an online therapist helping people all over California, I have helped countless people make boundaries, maintain boundaries, and deal with all those uncomfortable feelings that result from boundaries. Why? Because a life with boundaries will bring you more peace and will actually make your relationships better!
Why do I need boundaries in my life?
Keeps us from doing things we can’t do or don’t want to
Keeps us from using resources, like time and money, that we may not have
Helps us be true to our values
And most importantly, helps us have healthier relationships
What keeps us from setting boundaries?
Guilt for hurting other people's feelings
Worry about what others think or will say
Fear of missing out
Feeling like people will not like me anymore, people will leave
Therapy for not giving a f*** in California and Arizona
Something I have been meditating a lot on lately is 100% f*** energy. If I do not want to do something with 100% f*** energy or find myself hesitating, maybe that is a sign I should just say no. We live in a society where people are groomed into doing, doing, doing. Being an “of course” or “not a problem” type of culture. If you don’t want to go out with work friends to a bar you don’t even like, then don’t. If you have to choose between 2 activities on Saturday, choose the one that brings you the most joy.
Boundaries keep us from using resources, like time and money, that we may not have.
This one right here is a tough one for so many, including myself! We only have so much time and money. And if we want to be really serious, you can always make more money but it will probably cost you time. And we definitely cannot get more time. Once we start being more aware of this, we will be able to practice better money and time habits. Remember you are not a bad person for saying no.
Therapy for Boundaries can help us be true to our values.
One of my favorite parts about therapy is helping people learn about their values. It serves as a test, where we listen to our negative emotions and then see if it is a result of not honoring our values. Think about the last time you were annoyed when, let's say, your friends wanted to go out for drinks…again. You know that your bank account will not be happy with you the next morning and you know that your body just doesn’t recover like it used to. But you say yes.
Boundaries help us have healthier relationships.
But maybe you are asking, how does having better boundaries help when I am saying no
to the people, I care about and love the most? You are not saying no to them. You love them.
You are only saying no to the activity. This is a mindset shift that therapy can help you out with!
Recipe for setting boundaries
for outings.
Sometimes it can be helpful to set boundaries using a simple check like the one below for an outing.
Ask yourself:
Do I want to go?
Do I have the resources to go?
If you say no to either, do yourself a favor, and please say no. It is tough work to set boundaries, especially if you are a people pleaser. Odds are these patterns run deep and you might benefit from exploring this more in therapy. By doing so, the goal is that you will be able to make lasting changes.
Remember, if you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. If you are struggling with setting boundaries, as a therapist I can help!
Hey there, I’m Elisa Blair!
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist + Founder of Mindfully Minding Me Therapy
My specialty is couples counseling, especially for those who are BIPOC, in interracial partnerships, 1 and 2 gens wanting to break family cycles to step into a more peaceful way of doing life. I also offer depth work with individuals, helping people rewire their nervous system because traditional talk therapy sometimes is not enough when we are dealing with generational trauma.
I work with people all over San Diego, from Little Italy to Chula Vista, to La Jolla, and really all over California since I practice 100% online therapy. That means I can see people from Los Angeles to Fresno to San Jose, and San Francisco. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
I work with people all over Arizona from Flagstaff to Phoenix to Tucson 100% online therapy. Since I am dually licensed, I can see people who reside in both states or find that they travel often. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
Check out my about page to see if we are the right fit, explore my specialties page to see if I can help you break generational patterns and step into a more peaceful life. Ready to set up a free consultation?