On average people will spend several months to even years thinking about going to therapy before actually going to therapy. Like with most things in life, thinking about it (going after that new career, leaving your relationship, starting a business) often feels “safer” so we spend a lot of time here. For lots of reasons, but the one I see the most in my San Diego EMDR therapy practice is the fear of what will happen, the fear of uncertainty. But if you are ready to finally look for a therapist, this guide can help you navigate that process.

Top reasons why finding the right therapist is hard

Number one: you have never done therapy before and it's confusing knowing where to start.

Going for the first time can be really difficult, there's a ton of acronyms (CBT, DBT, IFS, EMDR, EFT) and lots of lenses in which therapists conceptualize mental health issues. And if all of those words were a bit confusing, I promise you, you are not alone! In short, it is helpful to research types of therapies. Are you looking for something more cognitive and talk-based? CBT therapy is a good bet. If you want something that gets more to the body sensations and you feel like you intellectualize your feelings to a fault, then something more body-based and somatic like EMDR therapy or inner child therapy would probably be a good bet.

For example, my lens as a marriage and family therapist who is trained in emotionally focused therapy, looks at things through an attachment theory lens. Plus I also look at things through a subcortal lens, and this is why I use EMDR therapy for individuals who feel stuck in their narratives about the traumas they have gone through.

It can also be helpful to think about specific issues you want to focus on. Like are you struggling in your marriage and relationships? Are you struggling with irritability, mood swings, and feeling burnt out? Are you a new parent and do you feel overwhelmed? Or maybe you have read plenty of self-help books and have concluded this is unprocessed trauma and maybe it's time to finally let go of what no longer serves you.

Number two: finding the right therapist due to financial reasons.

Therapy is expensive, and the mental health care system is broken. Insurance often places limits on what counts as a “medical necessity” and providers who are specialties often have long waitslists. Working with a therapist who is privately pay can greatly increase your chances of getting seen quicker and increases your chances of working with a therapist who is not burnt out. But the drawback is the price tag. As a private pay therapist, who used to work in community mental health where I was burnt to a crisp, I feel your frustration.

I am not a financial expert, but if at all possible I would urge you to look at your budget and ask yourself what can you cut back on temporarily. This is what I have personally done when I need to add in something like therapy or the chiropractor. Therapy is not supposed to be a forever thing, and if you can prioritize your mental health you’’’ be more comfortable spending on it. One year of no expensive vacations, weekly happy hours, and unnecessary shopping is worth it for getting your mental health on track. You are investing in your well-being which will have lasting ripple effects.

Number three: mental health stigma is very much still real.

I will say that things have gotten dramatically better when it comes to stigma around mental health. Social media has brought more awareness to important topics. And as a reminder don’t trust everything you read online, make sure it comes from reputable resources!

Even with all this change, people are still embarrassed and ashamed about their mental health issues. Making it harder to reach out. We live in a culture where we need to be happy, productive, and put together at all times. But humans are messy and complicated. Even among the mental diagnoses, there are “better ones” and “bad ones.” Like depression or anxiety is fine. Being bipolar or having a personality disorder is more taboo. Let alone “really bad ones” like schizophrenia. Regardless of what you are struggling with, you deserve help.

I often work with folks, particularly Latinas with ADHD, who struggle with accepting their diagnosis. It is one that has historically been seen as a disorder for white little boys who drove their grade school teachers wild because they would never stay seated. But we know that women are often misdiagnosed and often aren’t diagnosed until they are adults.

How to find the right therapist in San Diego or anywhere in California online.

Online therapy increase your list of quality fit therapists.

Step one: actually commit to going to therapy.

This is so much more easier said than done. But saying “Yeah I should probably go to therapy haha” is not the same as sitting down to find a therapist and committing to yourself that the next year you will focus on your mental health. Therapy is not a quick fix. Often I see people for about 6 months to a year, sometimes more. It really depends on how much work there is to be done. Often there are unprocessed inner child wounds and generational trauma that need to be uncovered and released. But usually, therapy starts off with coping skills and regulating your emotions. Most people end therapy early because they are feeling better, which is a really good thing, but then they come back because we didn’t get to the root of the issues. EMDR therapy, which I offer online in San Diego Mission Valley and La Jolla is so good for this!

Step two: start researching for therapists in your area. Working with a therapist online has pros and cons, a pro being you can see a therapist who isn’t with in driving distance!

This one can be hard, but if you know a friend or family member who has gone to therapy, they might be willing to let you know who they see or if their therapist has someone they would recommend. I think this is such a wise way to find someone you trust. Because randomly calling people on website directories can feel overwhelming. And just so that you are more comfortable, a therapist cannot disclose any of your information or your friend's or family member’s information, because of confidentiality. But if it makes you more comfortable, you don’t have to see that therapist and instead they can provide you with referrals to colleagues that they trust. Us therapists like to keep a solid referral network of people we vet ourselves, that way people we work with and their friends and family are in good hands.

I am proud to be a part of a Latine Therapist network of close colleagues in California and Arizona. I often know my referrals really well because we meet up at networking events. It helps me feel good when I refer people to others I trust. I often see couples and this is how I offer quality individual therapy resources for my couples.

Step three: Schedule several consultations calls to help you find the right therapist

Most therapists offer a free consultations call to help clients and themselves determine the right fit. When finding the right fit for your therapist, it is important to make sure they are trained in what you need help with and trained from reputable organizations, like EMDRIA for EMDR therapy or ICEEFT for EFT therapy. Also, ask what they charge hopefully they are transparent and have it on their websites). Plus check that they have availability to see you, and most importantly that you feel a connection with them. Personality fits are really important for a solid therapist and client therapeutic relationship.

I let prospective clients know during our consultation what therapy with me would look like, and I like to answer any questions that they have with in reason. I also let people know that you might decide after a few sessions that it's not the right fit, and that is okay! There is no pressure and it can take time to see if this will be what you need to help you address your concerns. Also, because the first stage of therapy is an assessment to figure out what is going on, we might uncover something that is outside of my specialty.

How to use therapy directories or Google search to find the right therapist in San Diego (or anywhere).

You can just type into Google: therapy near me in San Diego (or wherever you are looking for, even if you are wanting online therapy, it might be nice to have someone locally). Lots of therapists have a Google profile and they have a website. Looking at a therapist’s website can help you filter out who you like or who you think might be right for your needs. For example, you can search for “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in San Diego” or you could search for “EMDR Latina therapist” or you could try “PMHC therapist for new moms.” Google is really smart and it has helped me find just what I need by being more specific with what I need in my own therapist.

But a slightly less overwhelming way, might be to use a therapy directory. Below are my favorites:

Inclusive Therapists: this directory’s mission is all about connecting people with the right therapist all while being mindful of inclusivity. Maybe you are specific about working with a Latina therapist or a therapist with another lived experience.

Therapy Den: This is another one of my favs. It is a very safe platform for LGBTQ+ folks and you can be certain that any therapist listed on this directory will be welcoming and affirming.

Finding the right therapist can be tough. But I hope there were some useful pieces in here to help you with your search!

With Warmth,

Elisa Blair