Not all therapy is created equal.

There are lots of great therapists out there, but there are also a lot of not-great therapists out there. Just like with every profession there is a mixed bag. As a consumer of therapy, it is important that you feel like your time, energy, and money are **well invested in good therapy.**
A good therapist has will help you get to your goals, and increase your confidence in navigating your life. Depending on the type of therapy and the type of goals that you have, therapy can last anywhere from a few sessions to a few years. It is important that you feel like you are making progress, even if you are in therapy long term.
Regardless it is important that you feel like you are in good therapy. So what makes therapy good therapy? Keep reading to learn 5 signs that therapy is working that way you can see if your therapy is good. Plus scroll all the way down to get some simple **tips to help you find quality therapy.**

1. You leave sessions with “ah-ha moments” and questions to consider throughout the week.

Now, not every session is going to be groundbreaking or earth-shattering, however, you should be leaving therapy sessions with increased awareness and at the least thoughts and questions to work on in between sessions. Therapy is all about growth so that we can improve ourselves and feel more confident in navigating life stressors.

The kind of therapy I offer is trauma-informed. People will come to me with current stressors in their lives, failing at relationships, struggles with parenting, and struggles with feeling like they have a sense of purpose, but I work with clients to see if they see any themes. We try to address deep neural pathways and then we work to rewire their brains. I find that people are able to solve their struggles just fine, once they heal deeper wounds. The hope is that the shift in mindset will help them feel more confident in addressing issues even once therapy has finished. Other therapists are more cognitive-based helping you identify your thinning patterns that might be leading to negative moods. Everyone has a preference for the type of therapy they want to do, so it is important to do your research.

When I work with couples I work through an attachment lens, helping people heal attachment wounds and learn how to communicate with more compassion and love. I strive to help couples heal deep wounds that often began in their childhoods so that they can have lasting change. Some couples therapists are more structured and will help coach you in the right direction, addressing more here-and-now situations. It really depends on what you are wanting in your therapy experience.

Every therapist is different in their approach and it is important that you consult or research a therapist prior to starting therapy so that you will know if their approach is right for you. Most therapists offer free consultations so that you and the therapist can get to know one another and see if it is the right match. It is not uncommon for people to try a few therapists until they feel like they really connect.

2. You feel understood by your therapist.

A green flag if you have a good therapist and if therapy is working, is if you feel understood by your therapist. Feeling understood is the first step towards being able to address and solve issues in therapy. This is what we call the therapeutic alliance. You should have a good relationship with your therapist first if you would like to be able to address issues. Trust is so important for good therapy.

I am a person of color, a Latina therapist, who is in an interracial partnership. Plus I myself came from a pretty chaotic childhood home. More often than not these are the things that attracts clients to me. I tend to work with BIPOC folks, couples who identify as Latinx or Asian, and adults who came from chaotic childhood homes wanting to work on their inner child. Comfort can help create a space where people are able to address their biggest worries and fears. It can be helpful to work with a therapist who has had a similar background so that you feel safer subconsciously.

Having a therapist who is of a similar background is not always needed, I have gone to therapists and other healthcare providers who are different from me, and I have still felt heard. Although there have been times when it is nice to not have to explain too much about cultural struggles in other situations and times in my life. It is something that everyone needs to consider and honor what their own comfort levels are.

3. Your therapist doesn’t solve your problems for you.

A sign that therapy is good and that it is working is that your therapist doesn’t tell you what to do but instead **helps you learn how to address the issues in your life.** A good therapist wants you to gain the tools you need to be able to solve your issues without relying on your therapist.

A sign of whether therapy is working or not, is that your therapist is not telling you what to do, but instead, they are trying to help you understand your problem-solving process so that you can make your own choices that are aligned with your own values. I will admit that in my baby clinician days, I would jump in and try to problem-solve for my clients, it is really hard not to. But experienced therapists know that the most beneficial change comes when clients are able to identify what gets in the way of “better” choices and to help clients work on that. Because by working on the process, you are actually serving the clients in being able to work out future problems too. It is all about creating lasting change. Which is a sign of good therapy and sign that therapy is working.

4. You feel challenged in a healthy way where your therapist is meeting you where you are at.

Ask yourself, are you feeling challenged in therapy? Therapy should not feel easy, but it shouldn’t feel so hard that you never want to go back again. It should be a sweet spot of feeling challenged while still feeling comfortable enough to keep going. And ask yourself do you do more than just vent when you go to your therapy sessions?

A huge red flag for if therapy is not working is if you are going in every session and just venting. Venting and emotional expression are important for healing and do have a place in therapy, but it should not be the only thing that you do in therapy. Good therapy has a balance between expressing what is wrong and then working towards awareness and growth.

At some point, a good therapist will help you see what your role is in situations. And a good therapist will do this in a way that is not to blame you but to help you increase your awareness around the coping skills that might be getting in the way of the life you are trying to create.

5. Have people in your life noticed a difference?

This is my favorite sign that therapy is working. In therapy when a client I am working worth shares that someone in their life has noticed a change, my heart sings.
Things people tell the clients I work with:
You seem more calm and confident
You seem more present
I feel like we get along better
I have notice you stopping to consider my feelings too
I see how excited you get to share, you have a voice again
You seem happier, like really happy
Often therapy the therapy clients I work with in both San Diego and all over California and the Phoenix area and all over Arizona, don’t realize the progress they have made and aren’t able to see that all their hard work is paying off. So when someone in their life notices, it is so refreshing for the client and actually pushes the client to work harder towards their goals.

Some tips on how to make the most of therapy.

1. Research therapists in your area.

I will say this again and again. It is so important to research a good therapist, who has the specific experience and training you need, and to consult to see if they are the right therapist for you. Please don’t settle. You can use therapist directories like Therapy Den or try googling a therapist in my are by typing, therapist in my area focusing on…Lot’s of therapist are on google and you check out their reviews!

Also, depending on your comfort levels, ask your friends. We ask for recommendations all the time about good restaurants, why don’t we ask for good recommendations for a trusted therapist from a trusted friend? There is still mental health stigma but it is getting better. I know it can be nerve-wracking asking your friends where they found a therapist or if they researched or considered therapy, but odds are you are not the only one who has gone to therapy or is has been thinking about starting therapy. It might be a refreshing conversation to have with a friend about putting your mental health first.

2. Come up with some goals for therapy.

Therapy can be expensive and requires your time and effort. Therefore having goals is so important. Most likely you will go over a treatment plan with your therapist and you will review this treatment plan at least a few times per year. But in addition to that it is important to have weekly goals to work on. Journal outside of the session, coming in with what you would like to work on. It is your therapy session, make the most of your therapy.

3. Consider that you might need a different kind of therapy.

There are lots of different talk and behavioral types of therapists all aimed at helping people improve their lives and feel better. But sometimes what works for some people does not work for other people. I offer what is considered to be “bottom-up” type therapy where I address the emotions and body sessions to help us guide our conversations and treatment.
Talk therapy is helpful but what I have found is that somatic-type therapists, offering therapies like EMDR Therapy, work at addressing root cause issues for deeper, more lasting change, special when I am working with those who have gone through trauma and stressors in their childhoods.

Therapy requires resources of time, energy, and money. It is important that you assess if therapy is working and then see if there are things that you can do to make it more useful. Talk with your therapist about adjusting your goals, the type of approach, or searching for a different therapist. Maybe even group therapy or couples therapy might be what you need. Don’t settle for just okay therapy, you deserve therapy that will get you to where you want to be.

With Warmth,

Elisa Blair