What is inner child therapy?

Inner child therapy is an approach to therapy, often a type of trauma-informed therapy, that can support a person in healing deep negative core beliefs. A negative core belief is a thought that gets in the way of living our best lives and often has its roots in childhood or a past negative experience. As a therapist trauma therapist and couples therapist supporting clients with these very issues, online in San Diego, and all over California and in Phoenix and all over Arizona, I love supporting people in getting in touch with and healing their inner child wounds.

Common examples of negative core beliefs of people who have a wounded inner child:

I am not good enough
I am inadequate/broken/abnormal
I am worthless/unlovable
I am a failure
I am alone/abandoned
I have to be in control
I have to be perfect

The negative core beliefs above are often the very things that people seek therapy for, even if they don’t realize it right away. They might struggle with depression or anxiety, but often once connected with a good trauma-informed therapist, they will start to wonder if there are deeper beliefs that are impacting their ability to thrive in life.

For example, if I struggle with relationships, I might start to either externalize the problem, “Everyone sucks, dating is hard, and I am tired of playing games.” Or I might internalize these issues “I must be the problem, I must not be good enough.” These are the very types of thoughts that inner child work can help a person overcome. In this type of trauma-informed therapy, we can unpack how far back these wounds go. Were you bullied? Were you abused or neglected by your parents? Maybe you moved a lot as a kid. All of these are so common and can leave impacting marks on adults.

As a therapist supporting clients with these very issues, online in San Diego, and all over California and in Phoenix, and all over Arizona, time and time again I see why it is so important to be a trauma-informed therapist both for my individual clients and my couples.

But was what I went through really that bad?

I often work with people, who either minimize what they went through or honestly did not seem to have it “that” bad by society's standards. A lot of the work that I do with people is to slow down and consider that maybe this might be impacting their current life. For example, if we use the case above, where I am struggling with relationships, my outlook can drastically change. We know that improving the relationship that we have with ourselves is crucial for having good relationships with others. You have to love yourself well to love others well.

What does a typical session look like?

This really depends on the modality that a therapist is using. For example, as trauma-informed therapists use EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, to support a person in healing their traumas and life stressors, and even to help them with possible future worries to increase their confidence. I also use parts work, or Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS therapy) to help people get to know the parts of themselves that are hurt, hated, or shoved away. This is particularly true for one of my specializations working with BIPOC folks because being Latina I have both lived and trained experience in addressing issues that run deep.

Inner child work for couples.

As a trauma-informed EFT couples therapist, I also support people in being curious about their partner or spouse to increase compassion for the little child sitting in front of them. When we understand our partners' defensiveness as protectors, we can soften and see a child screaming out for love and warmth. This way of doing couples therapy has been a game changer in my practice because it goes further that teaching communication skills and telling people to have a date night. It actually gets down to the root of the issue, our biggest fears, and then with the help of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) we can change the interaction from dysfunctional to one where both partners are loved and understood. It sometimes feels like magic. And there have been times when I can’t help but get teary-eyed with my clients and couples, watching them ask for their deepest needs to be heard and having them be received with love by their partner.

Does science support the theory being inner child therapy?

But before we get going to 5 ways inner child therapy has helped my clients and how it can help you too, you might be asking does the science actually support inner child therapy. The short answer is yes. Inner child therapy is just trauma-informed therapy. For example, EMDR is backed by over 30 scientific studies and so EFT therapy. IFS is newer and it too is backed by science.

Plus I have seen it work time and time again for the hundreds of people I have worked with over the years. As a Latina therapist, I have both lived and trained experience in addressing issues that run deep. I am honored that I am dually licensed and can support people in both Arizona and California, 100% online.

More than just a catchy thing we hear about.

Inner child and inner child therapy may be part of pop culture lingo, but in the therapy room, it is very much a real thing. Time and time again my clients love using this language and have reported that it has helped them to love themselves, increases their confidence, and helped them interact with the world in a more beautiful way.
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5 ways inner child therapy has helped my clients and how it can help you too.

Inner child therapy gives us the opportunity to be the parent, caregiver, coach, and adult we never really had. It is a beautiful thing to reach out and hold close the parts of us that are doing the best that they can, and to help them heal and relax into a more peaceful way of doing life.
Inner child therapy can help us gain language to express what the heck is going on. It helps when we are able to name something. Dr. Dan Siegiel came up with this catchy line, and it works. You have to “name it to tame it.” As soon as you say “A part of me is really upset right now” the brain will start to calm down. This is why talk therapy works.
Inner child therapy can help you communicate better with your partner. It can take a conflict from “I hate you, you are such a lazy person” to “I get really mad when I come home and I see all this mess, I want to relax too. Can we figure out how to work together?”
Inner child therapy can help you deepen your meditation or journaling practice. Instead of trying to clear your mind you can start to observe, connect, and maybe befriend these inner child parts of you. It can be a nice way to heal them and see what they need from you. The same can be applied to journaling with the intention to be curious about that part of you that got activated.
Inner child therapy can help you deal with conflict. If you are on board with agreeing that you have a wounded inner child who needs love and compassion from you, then you can start to offer this space to other people. When someone is angry or having a moment, we can slow down and notice that there is really an inner child in there and that sweet child is throwing a tantrum. It can be a softer way to look at people and can help you be firm yet kind, just like you would with a child having a tantrum.

I hope you found this information to be useful! It is something that I have found to be useful for not only my clients but for myself too. I wish you all the best and feel free to reach out with your thoughts or to schedule a consultation to see if I can help you.

With Warmth,

Elisa Blair